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He's never learned how to drive, didn't drive even in England. But maybe that's just what you say when you live out loud the way he does.(And for the record, the oldest he has had sex with?
Finally, Sat Hari slides the needle into his arm ("Beautiful veins," she says), and Brand leans to the side."The warmth is happening," he says with a contented sigh. One moment he's a gin-swilling heroin addict who loses an MTV UK hosting gig because he showed up for work dressed as Osama bin Laden the day after September 11th, 2001; the next, he's beaten most of his addictions, wriggled his skinny butt into tight women's pants, dashed on some eyeliner, dated Kate Moss, bedded about 2,000 other women, said stuff like, "I'm constantly distracted by my ambition, narcissism, vanity, desire, lust.
A bottle of water arrives; he takes a quick swig, then sallies forth in his customary breathless way, full of Dickensian flourishes. But I'm not there yet, so the conflict continues."And then a pretty girl walks by, and Brand's head jerks in her direction.
"What I've realized, though, is that the stuff I've used that glowing orb of amusement to acquire – status, fame, power, money, fulfillment of dreams – is all meaningless and transient, and what I'm wondering is, can I, whilst now in the belly of the beast, the eye of the storm, swim through it all, cut my way free like Jonah, and discover something valuable and escape with something worthwhile? I mean, going on a voyage of self-discovery isn't as exciting as getting your cock sucked while chomping on chocolate and playing Nintendo, is it? It's well-known about Brand that he's got some kind of supernatural way with women.
Only, in Brand's case, as is true of so many things about Brand, it all went further, deeper, more out of control, because once on the plane with his ass-plugged load, he was asked to remove his feet from a chair, refused, was asked to leave the plane, refused, tried to stage a passenger revolt, failed, and was dragged off by security guards. No matter what he does, he gets away with it, just because of how he is.
"If they had done a cavity search on me, I would have been fucked," he says. But there were no repercussions for his behavior on the airplane. He's irresistible and, according to just about everybody, both out of this world and out of his mind."When I walked in the room to test with him," says his co-star Kristen Bell, "I saw a man wearing more makeup than I was, in tighter jeans than I was, and who was prettier than I was.
"You might be as famous as me one day," he wrote in a friend's yearbook. Love, Russ." From there, he spun through two London drama schools, getting kicked out of both, but not before establishing himself as an oddball freak show to be reckoned with.
He took to wearing a long coat he called "the Cloak of Love," which he used as part of his seduction technique. "He wanted to be Jim Morrison or some bohemian character like that," a classmate recalled.He writes and has just finished his second autobiography.Recently, he has been filming a documentary about happiness, taking an anti-consumerist angle, with him starring as a guide to the happiness insights of, among others, Mike Tyson, 50 Cent, Cameron Diaz, the inmates of the Louisiana State Penitentiary and, in a few days, the residents of the Laguna Woods Village retirement community. "Whilst on tour, I masturbate a little bit, but not too much," Brand says. ' And then, of course, if you ejaculate onto yourself, there's that beautiful, transcendent, orgasmic moment of relief, then you walk to the bathroom to clean up, and you catch sight of yourself in the mirror, and it's like, ' I don't know what you're looking at! '"In brief, he's working feverishly to keep all his wolves at bay and his resolve intact..Tall as a tree in stacked-heel boots, wearing boa-constricting black leather pants with the bright shiny zipper on the outside ("It's good, it draws the eye"), he's a popinjay supreme, all bearded, swarthy and swishy Jack Sparrow-pirate-looking.He's also about the most fun, intelligent, filthy-minded, egocentric, self-effacing and happily contradictory guy ever."I came from a working-class background, with a single mother, had very little, became a junkie, was miserable and was finally like, ' I have this thing, this power, this magnetism, I'm good at showing off, I've got to achieve something,' and so at last I got off drug addiction," he says at one point.Soon enough, he began smoking pot, which eventually led to LSD, cocaine, crack and, of course, his beloved heroin. An early amusement involved drawing a face on his penis and showing it to pals.